It shouldn’t be a surprise, but…

sand dollars surpriseThose are living sand dollars. I saw them at the Tacoma Zoo and Aquarium. I don’t think I’d ever seen live sand dollars before… They were a surprise, for sure.

Look, not to keep bringing up crazy/shitty things but here are a few experiences that this latest round of “oh damn, I’m depressed” has introduced to me:

  1. Getting fired, deservedly.
  2. Not being capable of finding work.
  3. Not being capable of holding a job.
  4. Routinely staying in my PJs until 2 pm.
  5. Not showering for days.
  6. Crying for hours. My face puffs up—really not cute, and prevents me from leaving the apartment. I don’t want anyone to ask what’s wrong.

All of these things could be routine. Stuff happens, this is life, I’m just alarmed at how these things all compiled together to render me a slightly scrubby adult with no prospects, direction or income.

The good part about that, in my case, is social support is probably the way I’m going to get through this. I eventually get dressed, everyday. I continue to apply for jobs I don’t get. I shower. I cook, even when I don’t feel like eating. Don’t worry, I could definitely live off the land for at least several days.

It’s literally all the shit I never thought about that many days I find myself not able to effectively do. For months, writing was too much. It’s not even that big of an effort for me. And I just couldn’t. And sometimes still can’t. Sometimes I can. When I can, I do.

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