Surprisingly crippling

Ok, so I know the images attached to my blog posts rarely are connected to the content, but really, when you write about being sleepless, depressed and anxious, what the hell image should you use? Anyway, I just really enjoy these skully candle holders.

This is how I find depression to be crippling:

Depression, as anyone who has or has had it can tell you, is a many-splendored thing. Three million or more people have this experience in the US alone, every year. And that’s just a guess based on people with health care coverage who contact a medical professional.

Major depression expresses itself in a variety of ways. For me, sometimes it’s like my brain left the building. Other times, it’s a headache. Or the knowledge I should move on or do something but the lack of will to do a damn thing at all. At times, it’s physically incapacitating.

Other times, it’s the numbest feeling in the world. For days, it’s the dread of being alive. Most days, it’s the dread of feeling dead inside.

It does terrible things to the people who care about a person. For me, people have to deal with a person who doesn’t show up like they once did. I couldn’t make a job work, creating financial strain. Everything is impacted. I’m just damn lucky I have really awesome people, especially when I’m not going about things especially awesomely.

Depression is so unpredictable. I think I get used to something feeling some way, and suddenly the floor drops out. Pretty soon, I’m scared because all I can do is wait for the other shoe to drop. Anticipation is a bitch.


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