Constant companion


So, now that we’ve got all the reasons why I am endeavoring this out of the way, we get into what drove me to this place. This is the not so pretty part of the story. If you are looking for sunshine and rainbows, this isn’t for you. If you want to read about my journey to where I am, there are ugly things along the way. Trust me, I’m fine. I wouldn’t be writing this if I wasn’t. This next section is called “The big 3,” which are insomnia, depression, and anxiety. I will detail my experience with each. You’ve been warned.

I’m running a 20-year-sleep debt. I’m not kidding. As of this writing, I’ve slept, on average, 4-5 hours a night for the past 20 years. It started when I was an anxious teen, then was exacerbated in college by my intense need to perform academically and my equally intense desire to avoid taking out loans. I worked my ass off. I sat security, worked for the English and Theology departments, and worked at the Center for Social Concern. I was a Resident Assistant. I helped run the soup kitchen students operated in the community. I studied a LOT because I still believed grades mattered. By the time I finished and went to grad school the first time, the pattern was well established. After finishing my first stint in grad school, I embarked on a career in the non-profit sector. Then I thought it’d be a good plan to get my MBA and become a consultant. Between my over-commitment and the pattern that was in place, I damned near killed myself trying to do all the things.

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