Why I am doing this, part II
Fast forward a bunch of years. Words still matter a hell of a lot. More than most things, if I am being honest. In the past couple of years I have found myself mired in a huge morass of depression, anxiety and insomnia. I drink too much, in order to get my 4 hours of sleep. It’s not smart, I know.
I’ve not felt this poorly for this long of a sustained period of time, ever. I am unsure I’ll ever feel whole again. Though I want that to change I’ve realized I don’t actually have control over it. So, I had best get to doing what I can. I have all of these thoughts and stories bouncing around in my brain. Before I lose them, I want to write them down. Nobody has to read them. Maybe it’s too dramatic or sounds fatalistic to say “if not now, when” or “speak now or forever hold your peace.”
Perhaps it’s precisely because I do not have peace. I don’t know where to look for it. Since I cannot find nor hold peace, I’ll keep moving instead.
Why not now? I am not getting much wiser, certainly not quickly, just getting older. If I am meant to have something to say, I may as well speak.