No time like the present

Why I am doing this, part II

Fast forward a bunch of years. Words still matter a hell of a lot. More than most things, if I am being honest. In the past couple of years I have found myself mired in a huge morass of depression, anxiety and insomnia. I drink too much, in order to get my 4 hours of sleep. It’s not smart, I know.

I’ve not felt this poorly for this long of a sustained period of time, ever. I am unsure I’ll ever feel whole again. Though I want that to change I’ve realized I don’t actually have control over it. So, I had best get to doing what I can. I have all of these thoughts and stories bouncing around in my brain. Before I lose them, I want to write them down. Nobody has to read them. Maybe it’s too dramatic or sounds fatalistic to say “if not now, when” or “speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Perhaps it’s precisely because I do not have peace. I don’t know where to look for it. Since I cannot find nor hold peace, I’ll keep moving instead.

Why not now? I am not getting much wiser, certainly not quickly, just getting older. If I am meant to have something to say, I may as well speak.


One thought on “No time like the present

  1. Back in the dark ages, pre-internet, the average person was lucky if her life changed/improved the life of one other person outside her immediate family. Our reach is so much greater now. You have no way to know how your words, honestly shared, will impact the life of another. Your words may be what another person clings to as she struggles with similar issues. The very fact that you write may inspire another person to write and reach another, who writes and reaches another. We cast our bread on the water. It may feed another or come back to us when we most need it. What’s important is that we cast it.

    Liked by 1 person

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